People, do NOT shoot yourself in the gut, you will have a long, miserable hospitalization, many painful and pricey surgeries followed by the liklihood of having a lifetime of pooping in a bag. This is called a colostomy. Doesn't sound fun, does it?

One of my favorites is the guy who shot himself in the leg to see how bad it would hurt first. OMG! He actually told us that. Don’t think we didn’t get a chuckle or two over that in the break room!!!

Then there was the guy who had lain on the train tracks and had survived but had a leg amputated by the train. Several years later we see him in the unit again. He jumped off of an overpass into traffic on a busy interstate, was run OVER by a car and still survived. My words of wisdom to this fellow. “God don’t wantcha yet. Give it up man!”

Another was a guy who used an AK-47 and basically just blew his face off. It was horrific but he survived. He actually does talks in schools about not using drugs. Although he's pretty scary looking, he makes quite an impact.

And although you see people holding the gun up to their temple in movies, this is one of the saddest things you can do to your family members. What is going to happen is you are going to cause irreversible brain damage at the same time making yourself look like a cartoon character with bulging eyes. This was the saddest yet funniest looking trauma I ever saw.

We had a very young man drink antifreeze and in the end it did end his life but not after many days of painful suffering for himself and his family. They finally withdrew life support when all of his organs finally shut down.

Another favorite of mine was the dude who ate snake poison and convinced the assessing case manager that it was accidental ingestion!!!!! WHAT????? PEOPLE! Have you ever SMELLED snake poison???!!! OMG! You can barely BREATHE when you get close to it!

And then there is the ever popular Tylenol Overdose which many people think is a “safe way” to scream for help when in actuality it’s one of the most horrible and painful deaths you can imagine. But if you are lucky enough to get to a hospital, you get to drink this nasty smelling stuff called mucomyst and be put on a drip that is basically an antedote. I won’t go into the details that cause death, but if you don’t believe me, google it! (Tylenol Overdose)

So, if you are here actually looking for the quick and easy methods to kill yourself, sorry. Not giving it up that easily. Just remember this. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and tomorrow will always look brighter than today. And I can say that because I’ve been there!

This was just too good not to repost. Thanks Nurse Ratched!

Google Hospital

Hospital administrators all over the country are trying to figure out how to keep their nurses happy. Some are even hiring expensive consulting firms in order to find out what’s on our mind. People, this isn’t rocket science. All you have to do is ask. Personally, I think that the nursing shortage would resolve itself overnight if Google started running hospitals.

Imagine a chair like this at the nurses station. Google takes the welfare of its employees seriously. This decompression (stress) capsule is impermeable to sound and light. I can see myself crawling into one of these chairs when I’m stressed out. Sorry everyone, I’m taking a timeout.

Does your back hurt after transferring patients in and out of bed all day long? Google’s employee health department has the answer to your aches and pains. Professional masseurs, also known as eusses, are available to help Google employees get through their day.

I hate waiting to get on a crowded elevator, especially when it’s lunchtime. Look at this young lady entering the Google cafeteria. Google installed slides and fire poles, allowing employees to get around in a flash. Google serves good food, too. Employees can eat all they want from a vast choice of food and drink.

This is my favorite goodie from Google. These are private cabins where employees can attend to personal affairs. No more sneaking off to make personal phone calls. Some people might suggest that Google’s way of doing business would never work in a hospital. Google is different. After all, what kind of people enjoy working in an office building that looks like the inside of a big plastic gerbil cage? On the other hand, maybe that’s why Google would be good at running hospitals. Nurses are accustom to being treated like rodents by hospital administrators, so we would naturally feel at home within our new working environment.

I know that Google loves nurses. A couple of years ago, they chose Nurse Ratched’s Place a as a Blog of Note.

I wonder if Google is looking for a nurse blogger.