My name is Cory. I am a mom, a wife, a NaNa, and a critical care nurse that lives in Nashville, TN. I have found my calling in ER/Trauma/ICU. Each day I find myself experiencing life changing events and hope that by reading my posts, you will experience and feel some of what I do. If you read nothing else, please
take time to read "The Hardest Question Ever Asked". It's my very first posting.
And if for some reason you think you see your story here.....you don't. It's not about you or anyone you know. =)
Dedicated to a very special friend: I hope you will always reach deep inside and grasp from the reserve that you have stored there. You are a strong person. You are a good person. Don't let anyone make you feel different CN!
Follow Your Dream
Before you look for things to change... look deep inside your soul. The Lord has given you all the clues... always follow your dream.
Inviting trouble is so easy to do... it happens without warning. Avoiding problems is easier said than done... always follow your dream.
Sometimes things just turn out bad... and you don't know where to turn. The answer is as close as your heart... always follow your dream.
Hope has always been the key... it's sometimes our only hope. When things are darkest and looking bleak... always follow your dream.
Only the Lord has all the answers... and he shares them with only a few. But faith is as close as we sometimes can get... always follow your dream.
Perhaps you feel the end is near... and you've done everything you can. Never give up, anything can happen... if you always follow your dream.
My reason for writing this article is for educational purposes. If it helps just one person seek help, then it will be worthwhile. I have an acquaintance who makes her family totally miserable and has never realized what a problem she has. I will give examples throughout and I will call her Anne.
Vanity: the excessive admiration of one's own appearance or achievements
Narcissism:an excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one’s physical appearance.
Selfishness: being concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself; seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others.
Self Centered:concerned solely with one’s own desires, needs or interests.
Today's society is full of people desperate for acknowledgment. What we wear, what we drive, how we look, how we act, how we practice religion; it goes on and on. These all feed the need for acknowledgment. Everyone wants to be noticed, and will do anything to make it happen. It's an "acknowledge me" society. Vanity plays a role in many of society's problems. But there are those who take it to the next level.
Anne tries to dress too young, wears WAY too much makeup, tries to act way too young which makes her look ridiculous and even takes anti-aging pills. I hate it for her when she realizes what those are actually doing to her. It's very sad to watch and to hear people talk about her.
In early Christian teachings, vanity was an example of pride, one of the seven deadly sins. Today, vanity kills.
Anne is someone who cannot and will not put anyone or anything before herself. Her family could be destitute and she would still be shopping on QVC, HSN, or MSN. I remember one time we all went camping and we sat waiting for her to “get ready." She emerged from the camper about an hour later with hair, make up and clothing all in place. We were camping for goodness sake!!! I mean come on!!! Some shorts, a baseball cap, ponytail, and brush your teeth!
A narcissist wants to control others and needs attention from admirers.
Anne loves to go out with her girlfriends and loves to have attention of men when they go out but will not allow her husband to talk to or have female friends. She also can spend as much money on clothing, makeup, vacations, and whatever else she wants to but if he were to try to spend any money on himself, that would be unacceptable. Starting to see the pattern? She spends more money on makeup per MONTH than the homeless shelter spends for food for their homeless. (this is not a joke….) At one point her husband lost his job and instead of buckling down to help the family who was struggling financially, she continued to shop, go out with girlfriends and even go on trips WITHOUT her family!
Not everyone who is Vain is a Narcissist, but someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) has at least 5 of these symptoms: *requires excessive admiration *lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize the feelings and needs of others *has a grandiose sense of self-importance *is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, or ideal love *believes that he or she is "special" and unique *has a sense of entitlement * takes advantage of others *is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her *shows arrogant behaviors or attitudes Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) will also exhibit:
*Jealousy and possessiveness *Excessive need to feel special, adored, loved, appreciated, or admired *Rage attacks when you do not sufficiently meet his/her needs *Controlling behaviors (trying to control how you spend your time, who you talk to, *Inflated self-esteem, or grandiosity (bragging, "fishing" for compliments) *Dramatic, insecure behaviors *Expecting you to take responsibility for making him/her feel better about him/herself *Blaming you for behaviors ("YOU made me do this," or "YOU made me feel this way.") *Not taking responsibility for angry behavior and justifying angry outbursts *An attitude that demonstrates "you need to cater to my opinions, thoughts, and feelings." *An unwillingness to reflect on his/her own behaviors A NPD on a rampage is dangerous, they are calculating and vengeful - any slight they feel they have suffered has to be punished. Think of how a spoiled child acts and you will understand NPD rage.
Anne at one point believed that her husband was having an affair with absolutely no proof whatsoever. Only suspicion on her part. (Is it true what they say? You blame others for what you’re doing) This was even after he had caught her in a compromising position with another man. She made threats against this woman’s life, called her family on multiple occasions, stalked the woman, all the while continuing to go out with her girlfriends and seeing another man on the side herself!!! Unbelievable!
-Narcissists are jealous of people who they think are more attractiveor smarter -Narcissists use sex to exploit, control and to receive attention
Knowledge is power, and once you understand why they do what they do - because they are sick - and then see how they do it, you will suddenly feel more powerful. Just don't think you can win by playing by their rules - they make up the rules to their games.
It’s easy to say, just walk away but many people can’t just walk away. Because of family responsibilities, children that are involved or whatever else. What you CAN do, is walk away mentally. Take care of YOURSELF! And don't allow yourself to be treated sub human.
And if you’re wondering if this article is about you, then it probably is. Get some help.
National Institute of Mental Health's Hotline (888) 826-9438
I couldn't help but repost this. It's too good not to share!!!!!
Summary: In case you haven't noticed, the world is full of idiots. Here are some ideas on how to deal with them.
Albert J. Bernstein, Ph.D.
The world is full of idiots. Of course, you don't need me to tell you that. Look around. They're everywhere--in the next cubicle at work, on the highways as you drive home, and probably hiding out in your own house as well. Just think how easy your life would be if the people around you would just use their heads for once and do what they're supposed to do. Dream on. While you're at it you might want to think about what you'll do when you win the lottery. The rest of us have an existential question to ponder. How do we do our jobs and live our lives in a world where most of the people are idiots who cant be counted on to do what they should? Your answer to this question will, in large part, determine how effective you are in your job and how happy you are in your life. Here are some options to consider:
Get mad-- The idiots certainly deserve it. If it weren't for (put the name of your favorite idiot here) your life would be so much easier and more productive. Of course if it weren't for gravity, you could fly, too. Get even-- The advantage of this strategy is its utter simplicity. You don't have to be very smart to use it, in fact, chimpanzees are quite capable of grasping the concept. What they miss is the law of physics that states “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction”’ The psychology can be stated in this simple equation: Get mad, get even, get retaliation. Help the poor fools by explaining what they're doing wrong -- This is how people get even without admitting it to themselves. Some may actually believe they are doing a kindness by showing people the error of their ways. There is a special place in the afterlife reserved for the holier than thou, and it's a lot warmer than they expect. Nag-- People may change in response to nagging, but they seldom change in the way you want. Keep trying; you may be able to convince yourself that you've done everything you can, but since the fools just wont listen, whatever happens to them is their own damn fault. Go on Oprah and talk about your favorite idiot -- You can also call in and tell Rush; I'm sure they'll be interested. Other people who cant do anything may sympathize as well. Remember, the more you repeat the story, the better it gets. don't say anything to the idiots themselves but think about them all the time -- This is the way people create stress related physical symptoms for themselves. The idiots around you wont listen, but maybe your doctor will. Give up because you cant do anything anyway -- Depression strikes someone every ten seconds. The minute you give up, the next victim could be you. Learn how to share the planet with the competency-challenged --You are never going to make idiots into smart, responsible people like you. The best you can hope for is to keep control of your own life and not give it to them by letting their problems push your buttons. Can you imagine how miserable life would be if every idiot had the power to make you miserable?