Diary of a Trauma Nurse

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Losing a Friend (K - you will be missed terribly)

I hope she remembered
All the people who said they cared
And knew that we really did

I hope she remembered
How happy we all were when we were together
When we were laughing until the tears ran down our faces

I hope she remembered
Our arms around one another
And saying we loved her

I hope she remembered
The pain she saw in our eyes when she left
Because we hoped she would return

I hope she won't remember
The feeling of being so alone,
The feeling that no one cared
The feeling that she couldn't call on us
The feeling that life wasn't worth living
The feeling that her children didn't need her
The feeling that her friends didn't need her

I hope she knows
That we will remember her
That we will love her regardless
That we don't stand in judgement
That we shared in her pain
Just as she did it and
we have a daily reminder of it

Many of us lost a wonderful friend a few days ago and will never forget the loss. She was an amazing woman with two beautiful children and a husband who is a physician so on the outside appeared to have the "perfect life". She just had more pain than she could deal with. There aren't enough words to describe her beauty, her humor or her love for people. What she did was selfish yes, but that won't make us love her any less. She injected herself with a lethal dose of drugs and then cut her wrist.

I feel good about where I am at in my life today. I am blessed in so many ways. As always, thanks for listening.
(dual post)

CoryTraumaRN posted today at 4:07 PM

Comments:

wow poignant, you have no idea how much so to me.....why....well

especially so....

because I am a nurse, too
a mother of two amazing children
wife to a wonderful husband I love dearly
an educator
a friend (although i have few of them i call friends)
i live in abeautiful home
i am told i am gifted and intelligent yet can't believe it because inside i loathe myself

my parents never loved me they still don't.....

i hate myself
i hate life
i hate what i see in my mirror
i hate the long days that i cry when no one is watching me so i do not worry them.....
i have living right now.....
i hate even to get out of bed....
i feel like even moving is like a huge weight to lift around

and want to die.....
but my kids and husband need me to live.....

depression is killing me. but i can't let it win.

this post has made me see what i don't want to; i am calling my therapist and have an appt tomorrow to talk. thank you. i have no words. thank you. it's not too late.

# posted by

Anonymous : 10:03 PM

My Precious Nameless Friend,

You do not hate yourself for we cannot love others until we first love ourselves and you said it best. You have two amazing children and a husband whom you love. You are a nurse therefore you must have a love for others.
You are an educator, you are gifted and intelligent.
And you cared enough to read and let me know that what I wrote made a difference in your life. For THAT, I will be eternally grateful. You will be in my prayers. Now and always.

# posted by

CoryTraumaRN : 10:18 PM

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